cruel, cold, harsh, heartless.
sex, lies, deceit, betrayal.
sad, humbled, broken...

life, or something like it

well, the pain in my right elbow is almost non-existent now...it has now been replaced by a sharp pain on the top arch of my right foot....again, i have no recollection of hurting my foot in any way, shape or form.....the pain is very real though.....i do not believe the pain is as bad as it was on my elbow because it does not keep me awake at night.....i am still a sight to behold because i am used to limping on my left side of my body (i had diagnosed gout on my left big toe, major knee surgery on my left knee, and a big fucking forklift on my left arm, shoulder and ribs.....but it is now my right elbow that was bothering me, and now it is my wrong foot.....it was once my "sinister" side that was killing me, but now it is my "right" side that is hurting.....my mind is confused and still reeling.....i keep going back to that thing i read about chronic depression....do i really have it????all the symptoms point to it.....or am i just not "manning up"????i could still function and perform my work duties (as a matter-of-fact, it distracts my head), but it still makes me wonder.....my head must have cracked somewhere in time......time, space, distance, and words left unsaid....deeds left undone....

all is vanity saith the preacher; there is nothing new under the sun.....

stage one of the carpet is done

ah, the red carpet...the infamous red carpet...the icky red carpet...the red carpet in our living room....well half of it is out and the other half is still anxiously waiting its removal...my right elbow is killing me at this moment--feeling phantom pains, if you will...i know that is not the right term as phantom pains are pains that civil war veterans claimed to feel in their amputated limbs...but i have no other way to describe them...they are there and i have no recollection of hurting my elbow...but the pain is so real...last night the pain was the worst, though i thought the night before last was pretty bad...pain sucks...but it is necessary...it makes you appreciate when you are free from it (at least that is the idea, and i know that i have thanked the Lord before on a painfree day).i have also been running the water on the grass at it has been neglected...our yard used to compete with roy's but right now it is very sad...maybe a little care, attention and love will fix that...though i probably will not be here long enough to see that fruits of my labor, because every day i dont work it's less money for my family (or what's left of it)....it is fitting that i am removing this red carpet because i knew all along how much it bothered kelsey, but somehow i didnt...would of, could of, should of...too little too late...we BOTH made bad decisions and communication (or lack-there-of) was a problem....